I pity the violins
Sep. 11th, 2012 08:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonofmemoryFair warning, this rant has severe case of AD-OS! That's Attention Deficit - OH SHINY!
So at the moment, I'm slightly obsessed with this song:
This is due to a few reasons. Mostly A) I've recently fallen in love with Regina Spektor and am still in the honeymoon phase. B) It's got some rich imagery that I can't get enough of. And C) it's a song that has nothing to do with sex and romance, which is rare enough that I sit up and take notice. Also, for D) it's just an awesome song.
The thing is, when I slightly obsess over songs, I feel the need to do something fannish with them. Usually, I'm never sure quite what to do with them. I've never been terribly gifted at fanvids/amv's, nor have I been able to really decipher the programs to make such things. In general, I tend to dislike songfics (Unless they are awesome like this one. Exceptions to every rule.), especially ones I've written. Which was only one, and that was while I was still in high school and did not know better, so I think I can be forgiven. Even if it was terrible. Oh, God, why do people even comment on my old fics? Just tell me they suck, because they really, really do.
*cough*
Anyway, before I went on a self-pitying rant, I stated that I tend to want to do something with songs. Unfortunately, me and pompts are a finicky thing. If I'm browsing a list of prompts, it's all good. I can have bursts of creativity when my subconscious so desires. When it's people giving me prompts, things get a bit more iffy. I can do it, because like any English major I can write at least 1000 words on any given subject if pressed (Qwilleran would be so proud) (No one is going to get that reference, but oh, well.), but it's generally never my most inspired works. I know when I'm good and when I'm being brilliant. Overall, I prefer being the latter when at all possible. We won't go into the third option, absolutely sucking (which happens a lot too. Yes, it does, don't argue with me), because the last thing we need this already ramble-y post to turn into rambling self-pity. I think I have failed miserably at this so far, but you can't say I'm not trying.
Which always leads me around to this: What can I even do with the bloody song? Not much, it turns out. That doesn't stop me from wanting, but I tend to end up sad and acting like I'm chocolate-deprived when this happens. And apparently pitifully self-indulgent if those last two paragraphs are anything to go by.
The thing is, while I want to do something with it, I also tend to want to do something well. So unless I feel a sudden strike of complete and utter brilliance, I get these generally vague desires to write something that when acted upon turn out subpar. Which is what this song is doing to me now. I know I kind of want to do something Whovian with it, but I'm not sure what.
The main problem is I don't want to take the song literally. Not that the Doctor going through creepy space museums doesn't make for an awesome plot, because it does, but I think what gets me about the song is the imagery and feelings of it, and I like translating that to other things. I think the song works really well for the Doctor on a deeper level since it's loneliness and being unable to fight against it, and I'd want to tap into that. I just have no idea how I'd do that.
See, those kinds of feelings work best when I'm slotting them into a predetermined plot. Example: While writing my most recent fic, Untameable (which is totally a word, damn it, regardless of what spell check says. Americanized or not, 'untamable' just looks funky), the basic plot was Avengers fighting a dragon, then a unicorn, then spoilers, and finally, a discussion on virginity. Actually, no, the basic plot was a discussion of virginity, before my mind got a hold of it and decided crack-like plot devices were needed. However, it's not named Virginity Kink: Turned On Its Head. For one thing, that's a crappy title. For another, while it might have been the whole reason I wrote the darned thing, it wasn't the central feeling. Maybe it would have been, if I hadn't wimped out and tried to write it from Steve's POV. But I did wimp out (Don't judge me. Cap is hard. I do better with ramble-y characters, since I am prone to doing so myself. Just in case you guys did not notice this), and it was written from Tony's POV with Tony as the heart of it. Also, he demanded to be the center of attention, which should surprise no one. So it gets named Untameable, because unicorns can only be tamed by virgins and Tony can only be tamed by/play nice with others when they're uniquely special people that he might admit to being his friends in the privacy of his own head. Even though he won't actually admit that he's a push over for them. Because he's Tony.
I loved writing that into the fic. It also wasn't planned in the slightest, because it just sort of happened. I didn't go into the fic thinking, hey, I'm going to add 'Tony being a team player' issues that he still insists he has. It just fit, because my subconscious obviously knows more of what it's doing than I do. This was actually one of the few times the title pre-dated the fic, so obviously my mind was being brilliant without telling me. It happens sometimes. Especially since I tend to argue with myself, lose, and proceed not to speak with myself again for quite some time. This happens more than I care to admit, to be honest. Anyway, the point is (oh, dear Lord, do I even have one of those at this point?), plot then feelings, not the other way around. That's the way I work best.
Broken Realities was a perfect example of this, actually. I had a fantastic scene going through my head of the Master tearing the Doctor apart with so many feelings. I just had no reason to write it. It was painful, because it was a beautiful scene (how well that translated from my head, you guys can judge. It's the starting argument). I just wanted to explore the Doctor being hypocritical in who he forgives and the Master wanted all sorts of nasty and mean feels (never argue with your characters. It's generally better to let them win, because they know how they're going to act best). I was extremely angsty for a while because I wanted to write it but had no plot for it. Then I saw that fateful prompt and realized, 'Oh, shit. Now I have to write pr0n.' But I wrote it, because damned if I wasn't going to finally use that scene now that I had a plot for it!
So when feelings without plot comes around, I end up sort of adrift. I've thought lots of times, "Now there's something I'd like to explore in fic," but without the plot to back it up, only bad things come from it. Mostly in the form of being a wistful dragon who needs lots of chocolate and shinies to cheer her up.
Most of all, 'I pity the violins' would make an awesome title for a story. But that's a whole 'nother thing I'm mourning. Sigh.
This song of hers also gives me feels. This one I just like for it's randomness.
In other news, I hate it when I post something to a com, then the very next announcement they make has a warning/reminder to heed the rules and regulations. Because my first reaction was to panic with 'Crap. I did something wrong to merit that! I THOUGHT I READ ALL THE POSTING RULES, DAMNIT.' I automatically went to check my post to make sure it had all those things because I don't want to make a bad first impression with mods. Mods are like school secretaries. You make sure to get along with secretaries, because they are the ones who are running things and can make your life either easier or a living hell. I'm just going to assume the warning wasn't meant for me though, since I did have all the things in the mandatory header. It just freaked me out for no reason. >.> Sigh again.
So at the moment, I'm slightly obsessed with this song:
This is due to a few reasons. Mostly A) I've recently fallen in love with Regina Spektor and am still in the honeymoon phase. B) It's got some rich imagery that I can't get enough of. And C) it's a song that has nothing to do with sex and romance, which is rare enough that I sit up and take notice. Also, for D) it's just an awesome song.
The thing is, when I slightly obsess over songs, I feel the need to do something fannish with them. Usually, I'm never sure quite what to do with them. I've never been terribly gifted at fanvids/amv's, nor have I been able to really decipher the programs to make such things. In general, I tend to dislike songfics (Unless they are awesome like this one. Exceptions to every rule.), especially ones I've written. Which was only one, and that was while I was still in high school and did not know better, so I think I can be forgiven. Even if it was terrible. Oh, God, why do people even comment on my old fics? Just tell me they suck, because they really, really do.
*cough*
Anyway, before I went on a self-pitying rant, I stated that I tend to want to do something with songs. Unfortunately, me and pompts are a finicky thing. If I'm browsing a list of prompts, it's all good. I can have bursts of creativity when my subconscious so desires. When it's people giving me prompts, things get a bit more iffy. I can do it, because like any English major I can write at least 1000 words on any given subject if pressed (Qwilleran would be so proud) (No one is going to get that reference, but oh, well.), but it's generally never my most inspired works. I know when I'm good and when I'm being brilliant. Overall, I prefer being the latter when at all possible. We won't go into the third option, absolutely sucking (which happens a lot too. Yes, it does, don't argue with me), because the last thing we need this already ramble-y post to turn into rambling self-pity. I think I have failed miserably at this so far, but you can't say I'm not trying.
Which always leads me around to this: What can I even do with the bloody song? Not much, it turns out. That doesn't stop me from wanting, but I tend to end up sad and acting like I'm chocolate-deprived when this happens. And apparently pitifully self-indulgent if those last two paragraphs are anything to go by.
The thing is, while I want to do something with it, I also tend to want to do something well. So unless I feel a sudden strike of complete and utter brilliance, I get these generally vague desires to write something that when acted upon turn out subpar. Which is what this song is doing to me now. I know I kind of want to do something Whovian with it, but I'm not sure what.
The main problem is I don't want to take the song literally. Not that the Doctor going through creepy space museums doesn't make for an awesome plot, because it does, but I think what gets me about the song is the imagery and feelings of it, and I like translating that to other things. I think the song works really well for the Doctor on a deeper level since it's loneliness and being unable to fight against it, and I'd want to tap into that. I just have no idea how I'd do that.
See, those kinds of feelings work best when I'm slotting them into a predetermined plot. Example: While writing my most recent fic, Untameable (which is totally a word, damn it, regardless of what spell check says. Americanized or not, 'untamable' just looks funky), the basic plot was Avengers fighting a dragon, then a unicorn, then spoilers, and finally, a discussion on virginity. Actually, no, the basic plot was a discussion of virginity, before my mind got a hold of it and decided crack-like plot devices were needed. However, it's not named Virginity Kink: Turned On Its Head. For one thing, that's a crappy title. For another, while it might have been the whole reason I wrote the darned thing, it wasn't the central feeling. Maybe it would have been, if I hadn't wimped out and tried to write it from Steve's POV. But I did wimp out (Don't judge me. Cap is hard. I do better with ramble-y characters, since I am prone to doing so myself. Just in case you guys did not notice this), and it was written from Tony's POV with Tony as the heart of it. Also, he demanded to be the center of attention, which should surprise no one. So it gets named Untameable, because unicorns can only be tamed by virgins and Tony can only be tamed by/play nice with others when they're uniquely special people that he might admit to being his friends in the privacy of his own head. Even though he won't actually admit that he's a push over for them. Because he's Tony.
I loved writing that into the fic. It also wasn't planned in the slightest, because it just sort of happened. I didn't go into the fic thinking, hey, I'm going to add 'Tony being a team player' issues that he still insists he has. It just fit, because my subconscious obviously knows more of what it's doing than I do. This was actually one of the few times the title pre-dated the fic, so obviously my mind was being brilliant without telling me. It happens sometimes. Especially since I tend to argue with myself, lose, and proceed not to speak with myself again for quite some time. This happens more than I care to admit, to be honest. Anyway, the point is (oh, dear Lord, do I even have one of those at this point?), plot then feelings, not the other way around. That's the way I work best.
Broken Realities was a perfect example of this, actually. I had a fantastic scene going through my head of the Master tearing the Doctor apart with so many feelings. I just had no reason to write it. It was painful, because it was a beautiful scene (how well that translated from my head, you guys can judge. It's the starting argument). I just wanted to explore the Doctor being hypocritical in who he forgives and the Master wanted all sorts of nasty and mean feels (never argue with your characters. It's generally better to let them win, because they know how they're going to act best). I was extremely angsty for a while because I wanted to write it but had no plot for it. Then I saw that fateful prompt and realized, 'Oh, shit. Now I have to write pr0n.' But I wrote it, because damned if I wasn't going to finally use that scene now that I had a plot for it!
So when feelings without plot comes around, I end up sort of adrift. I've thought lots of times, "Now there's something I'd like to explore in fic," but without the plot to back it up, only bad things come from it. Mostly in the form of being a wistful dragon who needs lots of chocolate and shinies to cheer her up.
Most of all, 'I pity the violins' would make an awesome title for a story. But that's a whole 'nother thing I'm mourning. Sigh.
This song of hers also gives me feels. This one I just like for it's randomness.
In other news, I hate it when I post something to a com, then the very next announcement they make has a warning/reminder to heed the rules and regulations. Because my first reaction was to panic with 'Crap. I did something wrong to merit that! I THOUGHT I READ ALL THE POSTING RULES, DAMNIT.' I automatically went to check my post to make sure it had all those things because I don't want to make a bad first impression with mods. Mods are like school secretaries. You make sure to get along with secretaries, because they are the ones who are running things and can make your life either easier or a living hell. I'm just going to assume the warning wasn't meant for me though, since I did have all the things in the mandatory header. It just freaked me out for no reason. >.> Sigh again.
