Left Unspoken: Angel Tears

[dragonofmemory]

Notes: This never had a beta reader, so go gentle on it?  Didn't know anyone who was willing to beta a KKJ fic, which was very sadness, to be honest.  Still, here it is now. 

"Left Unspoken" will be a series of one-shots that are only semi-related by an idea. Basically, none of the chapters have anything to do with any of the others. Also, I should mention that I am taking both from the manga of KKJ and from the anime. Each part will be clearly marked with who is narrating and which it takes from.

Some of them are humorous, some of them are angsty, and a lot are just plain depressing. I'm writing about the unspoken parts of the series, not the happy endings. Some of them aren't the best I've ever written, but I find them amusing at least. I hope you will too.

Left Unspoken
A Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne fanfic

Part One: Angel's Tears

By: Memory Dragon
Disclaimer: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.
Summary: Some things should be left unspoken. However, some things should never be.
Warnings: Spoilers. Lots of spoilers. You wouldn't believe how many spoilers.
Character: Fin Fish
Time Line: Manga time line, soon after Maron found out Sinbad's identity.

Fin sat on the window sill, looking out at the city. Her Maron was in the kitchen. Fin- chan could tell by the noise. Her Maron was humming softly while cooking, probably trying to convince the little angel that she was alright.

Her Maron. What a joke.

She looked out over the lonely city. It always seemed so cold and unfeeling to her. It didn’t care about Maron or anyone else who lived in it. Certainly not about a little semi-angel who was going to... already had betrayed this lonely human girl. All for the sake of the angel next door.

Naturally, it had to be Access God sent. God would try to use their old friendship against her. To try to make her stop. Access didn’t deserve that though... She would hurt him just as much as Maron, and He knew it.

Fin-chan needs to stop being depressed! What if her Maron came in? Then what would she do?

She would cry, that's what.

Stupid Access. It’s his fault Fin-chan was feeling down. His fault Her Maron was feeling down! If he hadn’t brought that boy into this, her Maron would be happy... At least for a little while...

There she went, blaming everything on others again. It was Access’ fault. Chiaki’s fault. Everyone’s fault but Fin’s. Only, in reality it was the opposite.

Of course it was all Fin-chan’s fault. Her Maron wouldn’t be sad right now if Fin-chan had not forced her to be Kaitou Jeanne. Her Maron wouldn’t be trying her hardest not to cry right now if Fin-chan had not told her a lie about Sinbad. But if her Maron got close to Sinbad...

Her Maron wouldn’t be hers anymore.

Fin curled up, hugging her knees against her chest tightly. What right did she have to call Maron hers in the first place? None. None at all. She was the Devil’s servant and slave. She shouldn’t even get close to the saint’s reincarnation. Wasn’t even worthy to enter this house, much less claim her. Just think about it. She had the audacity to call God’s own beloved hers. What kind of angel was she anyway?

...

No wonder she had fallen. Really, what was she thinking? What was the point of devoting herself to the Devil? Access probably felt like she betrayed him. Fin-chan bet he wouldn’t even want to look at her, much less say the phrase she wanted to hear from him so much...

She was selfish. So selfish. She had really just wanted to see him once more. For that sole wish she was ruining the lives of two teenagers and another angel who probably wanted nothing more to do with her. Now she only had two plausible desires: To serve the Devil and bring him happiness.

The poor Devil. Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought of him. She felt sorry for him. To be cast aside and lonely... No one deserved that. She knew herself how that felt. She even knew that he was the reason that she felt that way. That her Maron felt that way. He lashed out at others, making them feel the same pain and suffering he did.

She pitied him and loved him. Maybe it was just a remainder of her life as an angel. She forgave him naturally and completely. Even after she found out that the Devil set up her disgrace. He was honorable. He had told her this up front. No secrets. And for that she loved him, though not like her love for Access.

More proof she didn’t belong in hell. She didn’t belong anywhere. Too pure, too pure, yet too tainted to return to heaven. She didn’t belong in either place. There was no where...

Where else could she go? Not hell. Not heaven. Not here once she revealed herself. There was no place for Fin-chan. No place at all. Maybe it would have been better off if she had just disappeared back then.

But she was too selfish to do that. She had to... Just one more time... Access...

Tears were now streaming down her face. She couldn’t stop them. She tried to. So hard. But they kept coming. Because she would never be able to tell him...

Her Maron would come in and find her soon. Fin-chan didn’t want that. Fin-chan didn’t want her Maron to comfort her. All she could offer in return was false friendship and an enemy’s comfort. She did not want to see Access again, with the love she knew would still be on his lips. She could offer him nothing more than more pain. All she could do was hate herself for it, since no one else seemed inclined to do so.

The tears would not stop...

“Fin! Fin, what’s wrong?” Her Maron had heard the angel’s weeping and self-loathing. This only furthered Fin’s guilt. She started crying harder.

Her Maron hugged the angel bewilderingly and held her until Fin could answer. What could she say though? What reason could she give for randomly breaking down? “Fin... What’s the matter? Why these tears?”

Finally, she controlled herself enough to respond to the saint. Her reply was riddled with sniffs and more tears, but she managed to get it out. “Fin-chan... It’s all Fin-chan’s fault!” Maron’s confused face only made her want to cry more.

“Maron’s hurt because of me...” It was all coming out now. She couldn’t stop it. Now she was failing and betraying the one person she had left to love, the Devil. All because she was too weak, too selfish.

The human rushed to reassure the small angel, mistaking her meaning. “My leg is fine now, remember? Good as new, see? I even got through the tournament with no pain! Just because I got hurt as Jeanne isn’t any reason to blame yourself!”

Fin-chan sniffed again, refusing to look at her Maron. “But because... Because of Fin- chan, Maron and Chiaki are enemies...”

Fin never hated herself more than when she saw the look of false understanding in the saint’s warm brown eyes. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She just cried as her Maron held her gently. She couldn’t help it. Maron was practically giving her a way out of this mess on a silver platter. And the angel would take it, of course. For the Devil’s sake. For her own.

Her tears ran out after an hour of her Maron’s caresses and kind words. As Maron dried her tears, all the angel could say was “I'm sorry...”

“It’s not your fault. Besides, I’d be so lonely without you, Fin. I don't need Chiaki, but I'd be lost without you!” Her Maron gave her one more hug then smiled brilliantly. “Hey, why don’t we make it a movie night? I’ll make popcorn and we’ll watch scary movies, okay?”

Fin-chan forced a weak smile onto her tear-stained face. “Fin-chan would like that.”

The evening went as her Maron had described. They rented movies, stuffed themselves with popcorn, and held each other during the really scary parts. There were lots of parts that scared Fin-chan.

And when it was over and Fin-chan curled up next to her Maron as the saint slept, the fallen angel kissed the reincarnation of Jeanne D’Arc on the forehead. Maron barely stirred.

“I’m sorry.” Fin repeated softly, hating herself for letting some of her filth and impurity rub off on this human child. But she had to, for the Devil’s sake. For her own.

Until she could see Access and bring up the courage to tell him... Maybe then she could apologize to her Maron. Until then... Until then...

It would be left unspoken.

~TBC~

Quote of the Chapter:

"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart."
-Saint Jerome